Tags

Mom2 loved her one and only grandchild

Today is the memorial service for my mother-in-law who passed away on Saturday, September 10.  But “mother-in-law” as a term just doesn’t capture the relationship quite right.  When I hear “mother-in-law,” I think of all the jokes about “monster-in-law” and general groaning about in-laws.  She wasn’t like that.  And neither was my father-in-law, for that matter.  She was more like a mom to me than a mother-in-law.  Mom2, I guess.

When I married my sweet husband in my 30’s (no, not a second one, we’re just late bloomers), I had no idea I was getting such a great package deal.  You know how you grow up and (until you have your own kids or mature a bit) focus on the flaws and shortcomings of your parents?  My in-laws filled in every one of the gaps that I perceived in my own parents.  I joked about them being the Cleavers.  They threw Christmases that would have made Norman Rockwell tear up.  They did Easter up right.  They remembered birthdays and made them an event–even from miles away.

The first time I met my mother-in-law, she kept touching me–my shoulder, giving me random hugs, patting my back.  As I told her later, it totally freaked me out at the time.  I’m not a touchy-feely person and my family isn’t touchy-feely.  She was extremely touchy-feely.  We laughed about that in years after–especially when she’d again “slip” and hold my arm or pat my shoulder unconsciously.  I got used to it (kind of) and she tried to control herself.  Ha.

I lost my mother two and half years ago to cancer.  It was hard, but it was the end of a 3-year battle with cancer.  One she fought valiantly.  So we were prepared.  We lost my father-in-law in January to cancer.  Although he’d been sick for a few months, the time between the cancer diagnosis and his death was just weeks.   9 months later, Mom2 had a heart attack, a successful valve transplant…and then was gone in a couple of weeks.  It’s a shock.  Clearly, she died of a broken heart after losing her husband of 48 years (who was an older version of my husband, so I can understand what a huge loss it was for her).

I miss her–Mom2, my mother-in-law, my friend, my birthday sister (we shared a birth date).  I miss my Mom, too, and now I’m out of spares.  And my son lost an incredible set of grandparents that he’s unlikely to remember when he grows up.  He’s not quite two and has lost 3 out of 5 grandparents already.  My mom died before he was even born. 

Anyway, I can’t be at the memorial service today, so I wanted…needed…to write this.  It’s really just for me and I don’t know that it will be of interest to or help anyone else.  But if it does, great.  She was a wonderful, colorful, funny, quirky lady and the world seems less bright and happy without her.  Or maybe I’m less bright and happy.  At least for today.

Carpe every day with your family.

P.S.  It occurs to me that the Les Miserables soundtrack may not be the best choice for office music today.  Especially “Come to Me” (Fantine’s Death).  I can be so morbid.