Culture Clash…Dealing With Controversial Subjects in the Classroom (and Out)

Tags

academic freedom, college, employment, ethics, real world, Teaching

I teach in a wonderful university in the deep South.  In an area also known as “the Bible Belt.” A red state, as it were.  Most of our students are also from states in the southeast.  And before I go on, let me say, I was raised in Georgia–also in the Bible Belt, also traditionally a red state.

But then I moved…and moved and moved, and went to college…and another college and another college…and traveled abroad, and met wonderfully diverse people who broadened my way of thinking.  And I was open to this thinking because I was raised by a born-again hippie woman who fought against her own conservative raising (sometimes) by embracing the different, the unique, and sometimes the downright bizarre.

Mom at a Willie Nelson Concert, bald from chemo--hippie or redneck?

For example, when I was 10, we started studying astrology together.  Not just reading our horoscopes, but big volumes of books on stars, planets, gravitational pulls, natal charts, and so on.  But then when I was 15, she forbade me from getting in a car with a black male friend because she was afraid of what people would think.  What can I say?  She struggled.

And now I struggle with how and when to broach these issues (when they are germane to what I’m teaching) in the classroom.  I teach meeting and event management.  It’s a global field with diverse players and I try to prepare my students for that so they’ll know what they are getting into.

I ask questions in class like: “What would you do as a wedding planner if a same-sex couple came to you to ask you to put on a commitment ceremony (or wedding) for them?”  ”What about a bi-racial couple?” “What about an atheist couple?”  And I tell them the (true) story of a group that cried “foul!” when a hotel refused to host their sado-masochistic group function.  And I tell them they will have people of different faiths at their meetings.  And they will work with people who have different sexual orientations.  And I explain why I ask them these questions and tell them these things.  And I wonder if I offend them.

I sincerely believe it is necessary to raise these subjects in the classroom, a “safe zone” for expressing and exploring different beliefs.  And I hope I never get in trouble for saying these things.  Because they need to know about the real world, regardless of their personal beliefs (which I respect and protect, even if I don’t agree).

These challenges recently bled over into the real world when I went out of town and wanted to go see a friend with a new baby.  He and his partner have a new baby and I couldn’t wait to meet him!  But we were staying with another couple and they apparently haven’t addressed the issue of homosexuality with their 9-year-old.  (Which I find a little bizarre since I’m already explaining to my 2 and a half year-old that some families have a mommy and daddy, some have two mommies and some have two daddies).  And I don’t want to be the one to bring it to this kid’s attention.  And I don’t want to put my gay friends in what could end up an awkward position.  And I can’t believe that in this day and age, this is still an issue.

But then, I have a very open (if perhaps naive?) mind.  Some would call me a “social liberal.”  Some would call me worse.  Many in my own family (who, not coincidentally, reside in the Bible Belt states) disagree with my views and cite chapter and verse from the Bible as “proof” of their position.  I respectfully agree to disagree because I love them.

But having my own beliefs is one thing. (And, yes, I realize I’m not the only sole in the southeast with similar beliefs, but I don’t claim to speak for anyone else.)  As a professor, my beliefs come out in the classroom from time to time, whether I intend for them to or not.  And what I say influences my students to a greater or lesser degree (much lesser for the guy who sleeps through my mid-day Monday/Wednesday class).  And I hope it’s okay…with the students, with their parents, with the administration.  I’m not going to run around waving the academic freedom flag as a defense, because if it’s not okay, maybe I’m not in the right place.  Or I’m not the right person for the job.  But I hope I am because I love my job and I love my students.  My only goal is to help them see things, grow, and learn.  Sometimes that’s a bumpy road.

Carpe diversity.

The Challenges of Teaching Undergraduates

Tags

college, education, individuality

I was having a conversation today with someone about whether teaching undergraduates is challenging enough to “just teach” for the next 18 years (at which time I can draw a pension and retire on the beach.  Hey, it’s my dream.  Don’t mock it.).

It’s not that teaching undergraduates isn’t challenging–trying hard not to smile and applaud the latest creative excuses for not turning something in on time, the baffling “I-never-come-to-class-but-you-should-give-me-an-A” conversations, and the truly interesting students who range from the ones who make you laugh so hard you cry in class to the ones who come up with a fresh idea so novel that I wish I’d thought of it.  Those are day-to-day challenges of teaching undergraduates (as distinguished from grad students, where many of the challenges run to the “I-know-more-about-this-subject-than-you-do” variety.)

Undergrads doing their undergrad thing

But am I challenged–and therefore, challenging–enough to “just teach?”  Or is it an  imperative that I do more with my life and career?  Researchers research.  I’m not a researcher.  Oh, I could be.  I have the PhD and all.  But no fire in me to do research.  I do other stuff–I write, I speak, I network, I do outreach.  But does that stuff help me be a better teacher or hinder my teaching ability?  And more importantly, does it enhance me as a person, a wife, a mother, a friend…or just take away from the time and energy I have for those things?

After this conversation, I’ve decided it’s important to be true to who I am and ultimately, that’s how I become the best teacher I can be. And that means doing other stuff.  Because I think “just teaching” (no disrespect to those who are teachers or teaching professors, because really, who actually gets to “just teach”?) will make me stale and unchallenged.  And when I get unchallenged, I move.  Lock, stock, and barrel, I move.  Across the country, to another state, to a new job, to starting my own business.  It’s what I do.  I’m weird that way.

But most of all, because they deserve it.  The undergraduates, the graduate students, the non-degree students.  My husband, my son, my friends.  They deserve the best me I can be.  Even if that me has a few less hours in the week.  Even if that me is a little more distracted from time to time.

Carpe the real me.

My Name is Tyra…and My Kid’s a Biter.

Tags

biting, child, daycare, parent

For those of you who said (silently or out loud) “Hi, Tyra” – thanks for getting me.

It’s time to get the problem out in the open.  My 2 year old is a biter.  Worse, he’s actually kind of a bully…despite not even reaching 5% on the oft-cited mystery scale from the physician’s office.  Those of you who are parents know what I mean.  Conversations with other parents about “the scale” usually go something like:

“This is my daughter, Chloe, she’s 90% on height and 50% on weight.”  

To which I (mentally) reply, “Wait until she’s in college and gains the Freshman 15–then lets see who’s where on the scale.”

Or I get the pitying look and “Oh, he’s two and a half?  He’s so small for his age.”

Yeah, yeah, he’s less than 5% for height and weight.  He’s little.  But apparently he packs quite a punch…and bite…and hair pull.

That’s right, my kid’s not just a biter, he’s a…bully.  Ok, there, I said it.

Someone out there right now is probably raising their eyebrows and saying, “Ah, must be a violent home.”  You clearly do not know us and probably do not have kids, so I’m not paying attention to you. I might yell a bit despite my best efforts not to, but Mr. Safety (his father) is the most even-keeled person I’ve ever met.  Sometimes I have to check to make sure his pulse is still pumping, he’s so mellow.

Someone else is saying, “It’s all that violence he watches on TV.”  He gets about 4 hours of TV a week and only DVDs.  Just how violent does Elmo seem to you?  The kid doesn’t even know who Buzz Lightyear is.  We’re talking sheltered here.

Nonetheless, I believe I did bring this on.  See, when he was 1 he was in a different classroom with a kid we’ll just call B.  B was a biter.  And a hitter.  And crier, but that’s a different issue.  And he totally freaked me out.  I talked about B at home and how I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him.  Now I have one just like him (sans the crying).  And I imagine other people at home, saying, what’s wrong with that kid?  And it makes me sad.  And frustrated.  And slightly horrified.  

I actually am grateful for days when my kid gets bitten and isn’t the biter.  Ok, so now you know I’m a terrible parent.  But it’s nice to know my kid isn’t the only biter out there.

We’re trying positive reinforcement (he gets a monkey sticker on the calendar for any day he doesn’t bite at school) and negative reinforcement (no Bunny book at bed time – believe me, this is a huge deal).  Today’s our second day trying it and he did get a monkey sticker yesterday.  We’re hoping for a second today.

Biting something other than C

He has terrible taste in bitees.  The kid he seems to like to bite the most is C., the kid of someone I work with.  Great.  Really, you couldn’t pick any of the other 9 kids in the class?  You have to bite the one whose parent I have to see every day?  Thanks, kid.

Anyone else have suggestions/solutions for biting?  All his teeth are in–and have been for months.  So it’s not teething pain.  Is it because he’s the youngest in his class?  Because he’s less than 5% on the magical scale?  Because Elmo gives subliminal messages?  I’m open to any useful comments on cause and solutions.

Carpe monkey stickers.

Students InventingThemselves–and Me Reinventing Myself

Tags

college, education, individuality, real world, student

I have long felt like I have more in common with my students than I do with my colleagues.  It was true when I started teaching and it’s true even now, when my students look at me like I am as old as the hills (and about as relevant to their lives as the hills).  It’s true even though I realize I am older than many of their parents.  I still feel a kinship to them.

This despite the fact that I have no idea what they are talking about when they discuss “Real Housewives of Wherever” or the latest “I Think I Have Talent” reality show.  This despite the fact that they go out at 10:00 and I go to bed at 9:00.

Students are here in college, creating and inventing themselves.  They don’t always see it, but I do.  Teaching 100 level courses, I see them come in as, well, raw material (doesn’t give you a flattering visual, does it?).  By 400-level courses, they are a prototype, a roughed out product.  When they come back to see me a year or two after graduation, they are Them version 1.0 (or sometimes 2.0).  It’s a really cool process to see.

Some of my Them 3.0 students

I feel much the same.  I get bored with myself and who I am.  I try to tell myself that as long as I’m successful (whatever that means) and good at what I do, I should just keep on keeping on.  But it’s never enough.  It’s not that I’m aspiring to more money or a bigger car or house.  I’m not even aspiring to change jobs.  It’s more that I like the internal invention process.  Or reinvention, in my case.  I want to be Me version 8.3.2.  I’m tired of Me 8.3.1.  Or maybe I’m only Me 8.2 and I’ve got several steps to take before I’m Me 8.3.2.  What version of You are you?  How do you recreate/reinvent?

I relish being in a university environment where it seems anything is possible and there’s autonomy and opportunity to try different things, to be different.  I’ve met some cool people along the way, in and out of school, who also inspire me to try different things.  To be the best Me I can be.  I just wonder if that’s a moving target and if I’ll ever hit it.  Or will I be reinventing forever?  And is that a bad thing if I am?

There’s a lot I can learn from my students.  And I do, daily.  Sometimes I have to tell them what to do.  I wish someone would tell me what to do for a change.

Carpe reinvention.