I have a friend who is a crusader and activist for many worthy causes–discrimination, disability rights, and so on. I’ve never really understood that about her until now. Now I have my own worthy cause to rally against – Down With Conference Calls!
With all due respect to the companies who provide the technology for conference calls, please diversify and find another line of business. I don’t want you personally to suffer, but I want conference calls to die a quick and painless death. Being on a conference call is like drowning slowly in a vat of molasses.
What I don’t like about conference calls:
- The fits and starts of people talking and accidentally interrupting each other that is far less comical than the Warner Brothers chipmunks (“After you.” ”Oh, no, after you.” ”Please, I insist.” And so on).
- Moderators who lack the ability to moderate a gaggle of disembodied voices well–including me.
- Lack of a clear agenda or failure to follow it.
- Hearing a voice and not being sure I’ve correctly identified who it is.
- Awkward silences.
- The guy who hits “hold” instead of “mute” on their phone so everyone else has to listen to the elevator music version of Barry Manilow’s “Lola” until he gets back from the bathroom.
- The incessant clicking of keyboards as people multitask. And by multitask, I mean check their Facebook page and respond to witty posts by their 383 friends….one by one.
Ok, I needed to make that rant. I’ve got to keep it short, though. 3 minutes until I have a scheduled conference call. Give me strength.
Carpe the cause, brothers and sisters.
Agreed 1M percent. I have been known to text and email with others while on conference calls bec. the calls are so awful.
I have great guidelines for calls and am glad to send them to anyone who sees this and wants them. Just let me know.
And Tyra .. about causes .. this is a noble one!
I can think of a few people who need your conference call guidelines. Would it be rude to send them (maybe anonymously) to them? grumble. Actually, I’d love to have them myself.